Day 63 - Anger and frustration at work

Lately, I've noticed that my anger and frustration level at work has amped up, and I am 'acting' out a lot more at work lately. Instead of simply looking at a challenge at hand, and approaching it in a methodical way, I will start to go into frustration and swear at my computer. So why am I frustrated in the first place?

The reason on the surface is that my workload seems to be overwhelming right now, and when things don't work out perfectly, and I'm required to put some extra effort in, I start to get frustrated. My expectation is that I have enough resources at my disposable to delegate to, so that all of the work to keep my projects running smoothly. And 'running' is the operative word here, because it's like I'm always running around and 'reacting' to various things that come up.

And the source of my frustration is that last minute things do come up, all of the time, because that is the nature of the work I do. There are always unpredictable requests or scenarios that present themselves, and I always feel that I can't keep up with them all. And the reason I can't keep up with them, is because I believe that my workload is too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the strain of stress and frustration on my physical body, in the realization that the anxiety I accept and allow is slowly killing myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated in the belief that I don't have the support of resources to support my projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'rush' on tasks and try to get away with doing the minimal due diligence on something, compromising quality, so that I could free up time to get everything done, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that 'rushing' will eventually cause mistakes and extra time and costs to my project due to re-work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my 'leaders' for my rushed state, in the excuse that they did not provide enough resources for me to support my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses and justifications as well as the blame of others for the anxiety and stressed state that I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for the frustrated and angry state that I have acted out.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the frustration and anger shows that I am not being self-honest in the moment about the things that I am frustrated and angry about.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I go into frustration and anger, I make it a habit, and not only abuse my body in the stress that undergo, but also make a decision to be self-dishonest in the moment and separate myself from that in which I am projecting my frustration and anger towards.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I go into frustration, nothing will actually change, as I will not be able to communicate to others to help support the changes neccessary, that I would like to see.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that frustration and anger only distracts me from the task at hand is no means to actually find a solution or get the work done that I need to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a habit of frustration and anger towards the 'workload' and 'processes' within my job, instead of accepting and allowing myself to complete the tasks at hand, or delegate them effectively in the moment in clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts of all of the outstanding tasks that I have to do, and then get anxious or feel bad that I have not full-filled my commitment, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take the time to plan how each of these tasks will be completed through time management or delegation.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to delegate effectively in my role.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt in delegating tasks to others in the belief that they do not have the capacity to take on these tasks because they are so busy themselves.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that anger and frustration at work is an action that has become a habit, in which I secretly enjoy because 'it feels good' to be angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge those that go into anger as more than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those that go into anger are more powerful than others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that those that go into anger, actually become powerless to their own possession of anger by abdicating their self-directive principle and living a life through the choices made by the anger and frustration character.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the long term consequences of constant anger towards something or someone and the detrimental effects it has on my body and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as an angry and frustrated person at work, instead of accepting and allowing myself to instead stay in the moment in what is physically and work out a solution that benefits everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only leave a job when I get angry and frustrated at it for some reason, showing to myself that I am choosing my destiny, by making the choice to go into anger, at that point abdicating my self -directive principle to do what is best for all.

When and as I see myself go into anger/frustration or any kind of thoughts about work and something that I imagine to be the source of my anger, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment in the expression of who I am until the anger and frustration subsides. - I see/realize/understand that that in which I 'believe' is the source of my anger, whether it be my manager or a process or not having enough resources, is actually just a distraction to take me away from the actual source of the anger, which is my own self-dishonesty. I see/realize/understand that when I participate in this stressful anger and frustration, I am damaging my body and effecting those around me through my subtle physical actions and sound. I see/realize/understand that when I am in anger, I can't actually see the source of the anger and come up with a solution that is best for all in the moment. I see/realize/understand that by going in anger and frustration, I am creating a habit of going into it, that has become automated within myself that will only solidify as a character, and ultimately my destiny over time. I see/realize/understand that I have the choice as the self-directive principle to stop the anger and frustration in the moment and do the work that needs to be done in an effective way, either doing it myself or delegating. I see/realize/understand that when I go into anger and frustration, I am making the choice in the moment to give up my self-directive principle, having my life now be dictated through the character that I create as anger. - I commit myself to stop the habit of anger and frustration through stopping it in the moment by following my breathe and coming back to here, so that I can take back my self-directive principle in what is best for myself and all. I commit myself to investigate myself to find out the source of my anger and frustration within my own self-dishonest nature. I commit myself to stop the abuse towards myself and others through my anger and frustration, avoiding longterm consequences and living what is best for all.