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Sunday 23 March 2014

Day 58 - 'You're not hearing me!'





For context, please refer to the last post:


In the last post, I looked at all of the things that I was blaming my partner for doing and took responsibility for each and every one of them, because why else would I blame another person, if not to distract my attention away from the nasty things that I was actually doing.

So they were:

1) I am not actually listening to her 100%, and really only hearing what I want to
2) I am actually believing that my opinion is the RIGHT one, and she is WRONG, unless she conforms her beliefs to my opinions
3) I am taking her reactions towards me personally


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am not actually fully 100% listening to my partner, and only hearing the things that I want to hear from her.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully listen to my partner and the words that she is speaking to me, so that I could at the very least understand where she is coming from and get on the same page as her, so that an agreement may be possible.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I use blame towards my partner, so that I will distract myself from seeing the terrible habits that I perpetuate.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that that in which I blame my partner for, I am actually doing myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I actually believe that the opinions that I hold, that are solely based on my own perspective, which do not take into consideration any other perspectives, are the RIGHT opinions and actual truth as to the way something or someone should be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for being 'self-interested' and believing that her opinion is the RIGHT one, and that my opinion on something is the WRONG one, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that even before going into a conversation with my partner, I have already convinced myself that my own opinions are correct.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I get defensive when I don't agree with my partner when she tells me 'the way I should be' , because it goes against or challenges the Rightness of my own opinion of 'how I should be'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my opinions are always RIGHT, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that my opinions only consider my own self-interest and do not take into consideration anyone else's perspective.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to place myself within my partners shoes and to actually take their opinion within myself from there viewpoint.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the only way that I can come to an agreement with my partner is if I place myself within my partners shoes and look at it from their perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when my partner doesn't listen to me, and instead tries to attack my credibility somehow.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I take things personally, I in fact am going into a character of 'victimization' from the starting point of self-interest and trying to get sympathy, which prevents any communication.'

To be continued...


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