My partner
and I have been getting frustrated at each other. It's like we get into this polarity where things are
really fun and loose one moment, and the next moment they tighten up when we
get on to a 'serious' topic, such as 'how each other should be' in this world,
especially how we should be around our unborn baby.
It goes into this conflict,
where we are both adamant that our opinions and perspectives on the subject are
correct, and we are so frustrated at each other, that we don't even bother to
listen to the other or take their consideration into perspective.
From my perspective,
I get offended when she tells me that I'm not listening to her, and then I
blame her for accusing me of not listening, because I think
that what she's really trying to say, is that I'm not 'conforming' to her
opinion, which is the apparent RIGHT opinion and I'm always WRONG',
and so I judge
her as selfish and unwilling to actually listen and take my perspective into
consideration. I feel like I'm not being heard.
Within this, I go
into the reaction
of getting defensive and frustrated. I shoot back at her in close to the same
tone, which probably doesn't help
any matters.
Really, I just want
her to listen to my perspective and be heard, which is exactly what she wants.
So how do I better communicate
with her, so that we can come to an agreement?
1) I am not actually
listening to her 100%, and really only hearing
what I want to
2) I am actually
believing that my opinion is the RIGHT one, and she is WRONG, unless she
conforms her beliefs to my opinions
3) I am taking her reactions
towards me personally
To Be Continued...
Cool post. This reminds me a bit of me and my partner. We no longer go through this so much anymore as we both have realized that, as you allude to here, that were both really not hearing each other and were more in a right and wrong battle of the egos. I used to get blamed for not listening too. This, I see, is more of the difference of how men and women communicate as women tend to need full attention where men tend to tacitly 'hear'. At least that's how it was for me. So, my partner thought I wasn't listening quite often, when I actually was, and used to get very angry. However, this is mostly in the past now as we have both come to a lot of realizations on these points - mainly, the realizations that to look within instead of blaming the other.
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