Day 50 - IMAGINATIONS of the Hollywood Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (Part 2)

For context check out.

Day 49 - IMAGINATIONS of the Hollywood Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous (Part 1)

So what did I find in my experiment of reading about Hollywood for 20 minutes, then switching to starvation and poverty for 20 minutes. Time moved a lot slower when looking at websites talking about poverty / slavery.

What was interesting is that I found out that undernourishment is somewhat of a common thing in the world. A person has a 1 in 8 chance (12.5%) of being born into a situation where they are not getting enough nutrients, which is staggering to me. It seems to me that there are a lot of people in this world that are suffering to some extent with a lack of food. Now here's the kicker - in the same breath, there is apparently more than enough food for everyone, which begs the question: How is undernourishment even a 'thing', let alone having 1 in 8 people suffering because of it? Somehow, someway there is a large chunk of food that is not being properly distributed to certain parts of the world. So why not? These are the questions I will get to the bottom of and may even relate back to Hollywood and the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

As I look at it I ask: do you think that for a moment, that if you were starving, you would be watching anything Hollywood? Maybe, but I don't think so. I think you have bigger fish to fry at that point. Like feeding yourself and your family probably. If you can't afford food, how can you afford cable.

Really, it is only those that can afford the luxury of buying magazines and T.V.'s that can spend time soaking in Hollywood. And those that can afford these kind of entertainment toys, are sometimes the only lifelines of that 1 out 8 that is undernourished. And the other 7 know that the 8th is starving, but they don't want to do anything about it, because that would take away from dreaming about hollywood and being entertained. They say 'I'm busy, I'm being entertained right now, and I don't want to miss my show'. Being entertained is the easiest out, for not having to face a glaring problem that is happening all over the world.

The world is sick, and that's not something that anybody wants to face. Nobody wants reality because it doesn't give them a good feeling. How long can you go living in a dream world, until you're forced to come back down to reality? Probably until the point that it's too late. Because at that point, it's all over, and anything that was real in reality, had all been destroyed, and so you remain with what's left. Which is an exact reflection of yourself, and when you see that everything was destroyed, you'll know that you actually destroyed your own self through self-interest.

So with that said:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape reality into imaginations of what Hollywood is like so that I would not have to face the reality of the world as it stands now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to support Hollywood and the glitz and glamour it brings, so that I could from time to time escape from reality in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for what has manifested on this earth, where 1 in 8 people are undernourished through the improper distribution of food.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate why it is that food is not being properly distributed to those that need it most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed it as acceptable, and 'just the way it is' that 1 in 8 people are undernourished, while there is enough food to everyone in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the issue of undernourished people in the world is too difficult to support and that I should just maintain the status quo.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my own apathy towards this issue is the actual reason that it exists as it does today.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be 'hopeless' that anything can actually change, and within this give up, thus making undernourishment in this world a dead certainty.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the only way that world hunger will ever be solved is through an active continuous participation of self-movement by all individuals standing together, and if I don't move, why should anyone else move too.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to make it a first priority in my life that every person that is undernourished be nourished to maximum health like I would want for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid groups that try to make a difference, because I see that it may mean that I will have to actually put in an effort, which means that I won't be escaping into Hollywood anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own self-interest to dictate my life, instead of accepting and allowing myself to honour all life as I would myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by petty issues in my day to day life, when there is undernourished people that are consumed by hunger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time dreaming about a more luxurious lifestyle, instead of taking that time to contribute to a change for this world.

Day 49 - IMAGINATIONS of the Hollywood Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

I've never actually been to Hollywood before, but I find myself completely CAPTIV-ated by the place. Hollywood hills in particular and the imaginations I have of it. Whenever I think about it, I go to a place in my mind that seems magical somehow. I want to be there and live there forever. It has an allure, an attraction that I can't quite place. Beautiful people, houses, views, weather, pools, sprawling mansions on mountain tops. The sexiest place in the world.

It's the main home of many hollywood stars as it sits atop a mountain above the largest movie studios in the world, that bring in billions and billions of dollars every year through producing attractive things. They are in the business of making pictures for people to like.

It's strange how I can just so easily go into my imagination and start creating my own alternate reality. And I could do it for hours too. I saw myself looking up where Oprah's home is, where Michael Jackson's house is, and in the process, I start going down the road of looking at actors and actresses and finding out about their juicy personal lives. Mostly what I am gravitated towards is how they have issues and drug problems. And you don't read about regular stuff, like how they took a dump and saw some carrots in it. They are portrayed as 'special' people that don't poo, because 'special' people are only beautiful and talented or on the opposite end, washed up with drug problems. I seem to get sucked in easily to stories where beautiful and talented turn into a heroin addicts. Such a juicy celebrity gossip story.

Going back to 'the hills' though, I see my own fascination with this apparently beautiful place and trying to find and focus on 'the best of the best'. I was literally searching around google earth, trying to pinpoint the absolute best houses with the best views, almost as if to feed my imagination and get closer there. Did it change my reality at all? No, so then what did it do? Well, it made me ignore my own life. It made my own life seem boring and actually a bit sad and depressing. So much greater to let my imagination run wild. Except there's one problem. - I can't escape reality, and so by allowing these imaginations to continue I set myself up for an even harder fall when I snap back to reality. It tells me that feeding my imagination is like taking a drug. Somehow its producing these 'feelings' within myself that are unsustainable and that will create consequences.

The interesting thing is that not only will it create consequences within my own body, but will stretch to my world reality. Because by being so consumed within fantasy and then consumed with the consequences to myself within this fantasy, I basically abdicate my ability to make any sort of change in this world as a whole. By being so wrapped up in myself, I am unable to see beyond the veil, to what's behind the facade of Hollywood or the entire world system that we live in today. There's obviously abuse going on where people are being taken advantage of. All of these 'things' that are somehow a 'thing' in reality like corruption, genocide, poverty, hunger, human trafficking, war, murder are allowed to exist and then I allow myself to basically tune it all out by going deep into my HAPPY world, where none of it exists.

Here's something you can try at home? First go into Google and type in Hollywood. Let your imagination go wild on the subject for 20 minutes. Imagine the stars and the lifestyles of the rich and famous and all of the great things they get to do. Then stop. It might be hard to do, but try your best. Then start searching world poverty and try and let your imagination 'go wild' on that subject for 20 minutes. See how long you last. I'm going to try it myself to see what happens, and if I can actually do it. I'm interested to see what happens.

Day 48 - Bullying in the office place (part 3)

For context refer to:

Day 46 - Bullying in the office place (Part 1)

Day 46 - Bullying in the office place (Part 2)

When and as I see myself go into judgment of another, that I perceive to be an office bully, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. - I see/realize/understand that I have not placed myself in the shoes of the person that I perceive to be a bully, and do not fully understand the mechanism behind why they may be acting the way that they are. I see/realize/understand that when I judge a bully, I am in fact judging and separating a part of myself from myself. I see/realize/understand that when in judgment, I remain separate from that suppressed part of myself, which allows the bullying to keep on continuing. I see/realize/understand that by stopping judgment and separation from the bully, and placing myself in their shoes, I will be able to effectively support the bully to stop any abuse. - I commit myself to stop any judgment in the moment of someone that I perceive to be a bully, so that I can help effectively support that person to eventually stop. I commit myself to not take things personally and place myself in the shoes of one that I perceive to be a bully in the realization that people aren't just born to be 'bullies'; they are shaped through various experiences in life.

When and as I see myself go into a form of anger, hatred and spite towards someone that I perceive to be a bully, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. - I see/realize/understand that within the anger/hatred/spite, I am opening the door to being that in which I despise (which is the bully). I see/realize/understand that when I react in anger, I am showing myself that I am being self-dishonest, and not see/realizing/understanding that I am or have in fact been a bully/tyrant to others. I see/realize/understand that when I hate another, I am in fact hating a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from. I see/realize/understand that reacting in hatred/anger/spite will actually contribute to prolonging the bullying even more, because then then the energy between myself and the bully will charge up, to bring us to a point of severe consequence. I commit myself to stop in the moment and breathe, until the anger/spite/hatred has dissipated, and I am present in the physical and self-directing again. I commit myself to remain stable in the moment, in order to support myself and another in avoiding any unnecessary consequences. I commit myself to investigate any further reactions that I may have around a percieved office bully, and investigate where in my life, I may have been one myself.

When and as I see myself starting to 'play' the victim, in believing that I have been 'wronged', I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. I see/realize/understand that when I 'play' the victim, I abdicate my self-directive principle and give away my power to direct the situation in a way that is best for all. I see/realize/understand that playing the victim is cowardly, and is used as an excuse in not standing up for what is best for all. I see/realize/understand that 'playing' the victim is done in self-interest in order to avoid taking self-responsibility in an attempt to villianize the apparent bully, which has consequences in further alienating them and ultimately perpetuating the bullying. I see/realize/understand that playing the victim actually blames the bully for the way that I feel, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for the way that I feel. I commit myself to immediately stop any self-victimization in the moment and take responsibility for the way that I feel. I commit myself to support myself to remain here in the moment to help effectively direct the situation and ultimately stop the cycle of office bullying.

When and as I see myself go into fear of being the next target of a bully if I stand up in the moment, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am. - I see/realize/understand that acting in fear is something that a bully can feed, and gives permission to a bully to continue on abusing. I see/realize/understand that not standing up in a moment, because of fear, shows myself to myself how I have actually abdicated my self-directive principle. I see/realize/understand that when I stand up in the moment and stop the fear, I will be able to communicate effectively to the bully that this type of behaviour is not okay. I see/realize/understand that accepting and allowing fear separates myself from the bully in the moment, preventing me from effectively communicating to the bully that this bullying is not acceptable. - I commit myself to stop any fear in the moment of being in the cross-hairs of a bully and remaining here, to effectively direct the situation in a way that is best for all in the moment. I commit myself to stop the acceptance and allowance of the perpetuated cycle of abuse and stand up in the moment in what is best for all.

Day 47 - Bullying in the office place

For context please refer to:

Day 46 - Bullying in the office place (Part 1)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that specific people that I work with are power eager, power ready and power hungry people, who act solely on their self-interested nature to appease higher-up bosses, so that they can feel important and powerful, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that these people offer a mirror to myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that this abusive power hungry nature that I have come to see in other people is the same abusive power hungry nature that exists within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'play' the victim and believe that I am powerless to the situation and the way that I feel, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for the way that I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am completely responsible for the way that I experience myself, and when I 'play' the victim, I am abdicating my self-directive principle and actually participating in the perpetuation of abuse.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by not standing up in the moment to stop abuse, I am in fact the origin of abuse as what I have accepted and allowed for many years already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so caught up in 'playing' the victim and 'hating' another for what I see, that I have not given myself the opportunity to stand up for another or myself and speak common sense here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger towards another when I see another abusing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into imaginations of hurting another that I perceive to be abusing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that my abusive thoughts and imaginations are the same abuse that I am so against, yet I still accept and allow them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see the hypocritical nature of wanting to abuse another that I see is abusing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by wishing to abuse another, because they appear to be bullying, I become the bully myself that I so much despised, and thus accept and allow abuse to continue as it is still within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by hating and despising another, I am in fact hating and despising a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that through my hate and spite towards another, I create self-hatred and start the process of self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energetic pattern of hate and spite within myself when seeing another appearing to be a bully in self-interest to apparently make themselves feel powerful and better about themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the way that I experience myself, instead of accepting and allowing myself to take self-responsibility for the way that I feel in the realization that I am the ultimate creator of my own experiences within myself. Within this , I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the character of 'vicitmization' and 'powerless', in the belief that the way things are unfair, not taking any responsibility for the way things are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist standing up to someone that I perceive to be a bully, in the fear that I will be the newest target of abuse for the bully, and will experience inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of 'being the newest target for a bully, and will be dominated and be made to experience inferiority'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of 'being the newest target for a bully, and will be dominated and be made to experience inferiority', and the negative emotion of fear. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of 'feeling less than and Inferior to another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of 'feeling less than and inferior to another person', and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand, that when I accept and allow inferiority to exist within myself as compared to another, I am in fact opening the door of opportunity for abuse and manipulation of another to occur, to make them feel the inferiority that I felt.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand here in the moment as breathe in the stopping of abuse/manipulation towards another.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the bully was most likely at one point bullied themselves and is now 'acting' IN-FEAR-iority, subjecting others to the abuse that they had accepted and allowed within themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I see another talking loud and fast at me and appearing to be angry in what I perceive to be a bully-like manner that is abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by taking personally the tonality and directness that they speak to me in, instead of accepting and allowing myself to focus on the words that they speak, as the words are the actual practical part of the communication.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I am distracted and take personally the tonality that is used to convey the message, the actual communication within the words are lost, and the communication will break down.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I take the tonality of another personally, I am in fact accepting and allowing the same energy to manifest within myself that the speaker had accepted and allow, thus perpetuating the cycle of using unnecessary aggressive tonalities to proliferate.

Day 46 - Bullying in the office place (Part 1)

While working on a job site over the past week, I came across, what I considered to be very power eager, power ready, power hungry people, who seemed to exert their authority in the way that they spoke to another.

They were people that were in a perceived position of power and they took the opportunity to make themselves heard to the groups working whenever they could. I perceived that they spoke in a very condescending fashion, talking down and at people and a lot of what they had to say was complete bullshit and was not in common sense, yet no one tried to challenge them.

I looked at them like they were the enemy, they were the tyrants, they were the abusers, and I felt victimized by them. I felt like they were condescending and the specific tones that they talked in, and the directness that they approached their speaking with was an attempt to solidify dominance.

I felt like if they weren't their, that my experience of myself and everyone else would be so much better, like they were an unnecessary torture device and the cause of mine and others discomfort. And the entire time, I just wanted to either get a way from them, or put them in their place, or even wished terrible things on them as redemption for the abuse that I perceived they were perpetuating.

The interesting thing is that as much as I perceived them as evil, I was taking on this absolute hatred towards them myself that was based in the same evil self-interest. I wanted the worst of them, I wanted them to pay for how I felt, and I wanted to squash them for the manipulative ways I perceived of them to take, not realizing that 'it takes one to know one'.

So essentially I was taking no responsibility for the way that I experienced myself and I didn't see how the tones that they were using and the apparently invasive nature I perceived of them may have just been triggering certain energetic reaction patterns already existing within myself.

And I wasn't standing up for myself or others, all I wanted to do was silently stew within myself and wish the worst of them, because I feared that I would then be in the spotlight and the subject to the bullying. And so within that cowardly stance that I took, I in fact accepted and allowed bullying to place. In taking responsibility, I, through my non-action was just as much a part of the bullying as the perceived bully. And it was all through self-interest and trying to protect myself, instead of standing up and saying 'no, this is not acceptable'.