Day 9 - Happy-Go-Lucky Character Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the happy go-lucky character in order to try to control the reaction of others and the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am actually controlling the situation or the reaction of others when I go into a happy-go-lucky-entertaining type of character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am actually being controlled and directed through my own fears in these moments, and am not in fact controlling anything, but in fact being controlled.

I forgive myself to blatantly try to manipulate and deceive in order to get another riled up so that I can ‘control’ the situation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I play this happy-go-lucky character, I am in fact playing this character out of fear of being seen as less than/weaker-than.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I see someone that is not stable in a moment act hyper and happy go-lucky, like my friend ‘J’, I am in fact showing myself a part of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I commit myself to regain my stability when I am acting hyper in a moment through relaxing my body, and following my breath in the moment feeling my fingers and toes to get back to here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by going into a dizziness, I am actually accepting and allowing fear in that moment, and can assist myself by asking myself and investigating self-honestly what I am actually specifically afraid of losing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I act in a happy go-lucky hyper manner, I am in fact acting in character within fear and separation.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I go into this character because I have a fear of losing what I have defined myself in the moment, which is importance and respect among my peers as a person that is wise/insightful/aware/smart/stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of ‘my peers seeing me as less than, because I am ‘scattered’ in moments’, and the negative emotion of fear, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the reason why I fear the thought of others judging me as less than for being scattered/hyper, is because I have judged others in the moment as less than, when I see them displaying the same attributes of hyperness/not stringing words together fluently and changing their tone of voice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am equal to and one with these people that I see in this state, and when I judge them as less than, I am in fact creating fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the stability that I look to be, is in fact within myself to see/realize/understand as myself, just have not given myself the opportunity to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in the belief that I am somebody that people look up to, and am very important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-importance within impressing on others that I am smart, sharp, clever, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that importance is within everything within my world as the physical as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the way other people may look at me when I am in a dazed and confused state in the belief that they see me as not important and someone that will only amount to dirt and won’t be able to have any influence in this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am in fact dirt from this earth, just as another that I work with is also, as we are one and equal as the dirt of this earth in the physical.

Day 8 - Self-dishonest Self-forgiveness

 

My ulterior motive.

Earlier today I started writing self-forgiveness, which I later realized was spawned from a fear that I was going to miss out on a job opportunity if I didn't do the self-forgiveness.  I was really looking to self-forgiveness for a quick fix to my fear, so that I could get this job, and in the moment I failed to realize that I was frantically rushing through the self-forgiveness because I was late for work.  I was not walking with integrity in what was best for all at all.  I was looking at my own self-interest and hiding away my fears of failing to get a job offer that I was satisfied with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in doing self-forgiveness out of fear, I am actually acting in self-interest, fear and separation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rush a point out of self-interest, and not realize that if a point has not been walked in all dimensions, the opportunity still remains for it to creep back.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to take the time, step by step, here in the moment to walk a point in all of its dimensions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only walk the points that are in my own self-interest to do so.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the consequences to myself and all when I do self-forgiveness in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I follow self-interest, I walk the path of harm and abuse towards myself and others, where I will have to face myself and my harm eventually.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I am only prolonging and building on the consequences when I do anything in self-interest, especially self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I put off the consequences and 'kick the can down the road' that eventually the consequences from my creation through separation will disapear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into the false sense of godliness and center of my universe as the only one that matters.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I am the only one that matters here, as I am the main character in my story that I have created.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to refuse to gift myself the opportunity to see the truth of myself in fear of who and what I have become.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to dare to get to know myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of what it might be like if I actually got to see myself as who and what I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to push myself to do what is best for all.

When and as I see myself start writing self-forgiveness frantically, out of fear that I won’t progress or get something that I need, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am.

I see/realize/understand that my actions of doing hurriedly doing self-forgiveness only mask myself as who and what I have become, and I am not in fact revealing myself.

I see/realize/understand that in deceiving myself to do self-forgiveness in fear, I am still acting in separation and leaving the door open for self-abuse and abuse towards others.

I see/realize/understand that I only compound the consequences when I do actions such as self-forgiveness in fear in self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to stop the self-deception i currently accept and allow, through pushing myself to get to see who and what I have become in reality.

I commit myself to gift myself the opportunity to see the truth, as ugly as it may actually be, and move and push towards that which is best for all.

I commit myself to support myself to stop the fear of myself by remaining in the moment as the expression of who I am in breath here, feeling my fingers and feet.

 I commit myself to move, here, in the moment even if slow, in the respect and consideration towards my physical body and others.

I commit myself to stop the self-deception and move in self-honesty here in breathe in every moment and every breath and investigate moments where I write self-forgiveness within separation and fear.

Day 7 - Losing Control and Stability

I feel dizzy/malaise sometimes when I eat certain foods or drink things.

When I do feel dizzy and I am around others like at work or my partners family, I feel almost a bit of panic because I feel like I am not being myself in that moment and that I am scaring another or they will now have a different impression of me as this weaker-than type person.  So then I start to become 'entertaining' to them by taking on this happy go-lucky type of character, so that they laugh and feel comfortable, all in a manipulative and deceptive way, although I’m not sure if I have pulled the wool over their eyes. 

In that moment before I put on this character, it feels like I’m lost in those moments and will lose control over myself and how I perceive things.  I usually have such a clear state of mind and can comprehend my world in stability.  When my mind is clear, I usually can read people really well, and I have knowledge and information or some kind of insightful thing about a topic at the tip of my tounge.  But when I am dizzy/malaise after eating certain foods and drinks, everything just becomes so scrambled and I don’t explain something properly to someone so they can understand it, and it’s hard to listen and pay attention, and I end up just trying to keep control of the situation by being a clown.  I smile a lot and I laugh and I try to get others ‘riled’ up in that moment mostly so they don't notice that I feel dizzy and confused.

I really try to hold it together, but I really don’t like this situation, as I feel like I’m about to do something completely out of the ordinary and say or act or do something, completely out of character and crazy, so I try and hold it all together and fight my way through the situation to keep it together. 

Day 6 - Deception and Self-Interest

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to walk with any type of integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use deception in self-interest to achieve goals that I have set out for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lend my services of deception to others in order to honor their self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in aiding and abbedding others self interest I am actually acting in self-interest and not what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that when I am aiding and abbedding someone elses self-interest, I am in fact acting out of fear in the fear of not pleasing my parter, which shows that I do not live within equality equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am acting in love towards my partner in  aiding and abedding my partner to help achieve her self-interested goal, instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that it is done in fact out of my own accepted and allowed fear of my partner 'not getting what she wants' and thus being 'upset'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thought of 'my partner appearing to be stressed and upset'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to connect the thought of my partner appearing to be stressed and upset, and the negative emotion of fear.

I forgive myslef that I havnt accepted and allowed myself to stand stable in myself when my partner does get stressed and upset.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I have accepted and allowed myslef to get stressed and upset and outwardly project this onto others, causing others discomfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to suppress experience another being upset through trying to please another.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when I people please in fear of that person being upset, I may contain it for the moment, however it does not mean that it will actually go away, as I will simply just supress it for the moment as it still exists within and as myself.

I commit myself to stop pretending in order to decieve and manipulate a situation for anothers self-interest.

I see/realize/understand that when I 'choose sides' and assist another to achieve their self-interested goals, and believe I am doing it in Love, I am actually doing it in self-interest/fear/separation within myself.

I see/realize/understand that in 'choosing sides', I am actually choosing separation/fear and opening the door for self-abuse.

I commit myself to stop the fear and choose only life and what is best for all in the moment.

When and as I see myself go into the fear of 'upsetting' my partner or not helping her to get her self-interested desires’, I stop and I breathe and I remain in the moment as the expression of who I am.

I see/realize/understand that when I shift into a character that does things to try to appease my partner, I am actually moving in fear and separation from myself.

I see/realize/understand that when I move in fear, I move in my own self-interest and separation.

I see/realize/understand that the actual experience of my partner being ‘upset and mad’ is not actually an experience of fear.

I see/realize/understand that fearing a thought is fearing myself and blatant separation and abuse in my world.

I commit myself to support myself to stop the fear of the thought of my partner being upset.

Day 5 – Being unshakeable for life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand in a form of unshakeability for life day in and day out.

I forgive myself that  I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that being unshakeable within oneself means being the self-directive principle at all times and doing what is best for life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop standing here as life as what is best for all, so that my self-interest can be full-filled as the mind and consequences can be perpetuated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the consequences that I create for myself and others in my world will just go away if I ignore them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not being unshakeable in the face of self-interest by deluding myself into believing that there will be no consequences for myself and this world if I don’t stand for life in every moment and every breath unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to gift to myself the opportunity to life through standing unshakeable in the wake of self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time and time again choose self-interest over gifting life to myself through standing unshakeable in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought ‘things seem well and stable at the moment, so I can probably take a break from being self-directive and self-honest’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that in even allowing this thought as my beingness, shows how I am still of the mind and not in fact being self-directive or self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for an end to all of this ‘work’ of self-honesty, self-movement in writing, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that in looking for an end to all of this is in fact myself paving the way for me to give up.

When and as I see myself starting to give in to self-interest through preferring ‘not to write myself to freedom’, instead of being the self-directive principle and honoring life and doing what must be done in the moment.  I stop and I breathe, and move myself in all moments to do what must be done.

I see/realize/understand that the only choice in this matter is to do what is best for all and in moving myself to self-honesty and the self-directive principle I am making a choice for life.

I see/realize/understand that when I accept and allow self-interest to halt my movement, I am not life and am simply caught within my own mind, which will result in consequences.

I see/realize/understand that the belief held where consequences will just go away or not form if I ignore them, is in fact a fail-safe creation of the mind designed to delude me into justifying giving in to self-interest that will only serve the mind in the end in the acceptance of the abandonment of life.

I see/realize/understand that holding the belief that ‘if I’m okay, then everything else is okay’ and I don’t need to move myself shows that I am in a state of brainwashing I have and how I am not life at all, because the reality is that no one is free, until all are free.

I see/realize/understand that when I look for an end to all of the writing, self-honesty, moving and pushing myself for what must be done for what is best for all, I am creating a nice trap for myself in allowing myself to indulge in the illusions of an end to self-honesty and the self-directive principle in what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts surrounding the being of self-honesty and self-moving in what is best for all, and instead remain here in breath pushing until all are free.

I commit myself to move myself unshakeably in what is best for all, until are free.

I commit myself to always make the choice for life and standing as the unshakeable life that is here.

I commit myself to always stand unshakeable for life in the wake of self-interest eternally and move myself in all moments to do what must be done.

I commit myself to wake up and stop the belief that consequences for life will not manifest if I ignore them in the realization that this thought/belief is not life and was simply created as an excuse to justify why I should not move for life.