Once upon a time I would write, post and spread a blog daily. Now I hardly ever do that. Why? TIME. I don't make the time for it. It's somewhat more difficult to find the time now that I have a partner in which I have made the decision to make time for. Is this best for all?
Having a partner in life allows me to see myself more clearly and work on my skills socially. I am very good with people, but it seems that I am only very good with people in a fake sense. Like I don't really show people who I truly am. Now I don't have any deep/dark/secrets that would endanger anyone, but I mean like showing someone who I truly am. It's usually always about putting on a smile, making someone life because you know what makes them tick. You know that people are very self-interested, and so asking them a question about themselves will make them 'Happy', and then I can carry along my day almost pacifying them, and myself at the same time. It's what we do to keep the peace. We bite our tongues and we tell the little white lie to keep the conflict down.
The truth is that I don't like to get into conflict, yet when I'm in it, it's like I can't stop. And maybe that's the fear. The fear of losing control of ones self and potentially 'saying too much', to a point where it damages you in a way. Like say you have a big fight with your partner or you start screaming at your boss. There's a potential fall-out and change coming in your life from that. Unless you can come to an agreement and some sort of understanding.
So why is it that I fear getting into conflict - because I fear the status quo changing. Even if something is eating away at me, I'm sometimes scared to approach the issue, especially when there are 'feelings' and 'emotions' on the line. I don't want to rock the boat or stir the pot. I'd rather suppress and cover everything up to keep the peace, while keeping the war hidden inside.
